For all of my life, I have known who God is and have just about always believed in Him. But I think that until last year I never actually loved God or wanted a real relationship with Him. Of course, I thought that I was a Christian since I was baptized when I was younger and I would pray occasionally, but I never wanted to actually get to know God. It is amazing that I did not after hearing all the wonderful stories of God in the Bible so many times and always being raised in a Christian home!
A lot of things happened in 2015 that changed how I felt about God completely. For one, we started A Heart Devoted! This really encouraged me to think about my faith more seriously, and I had many times to pray, and pray hard! We also found a church (finally!) after a year of searching for one, and in this church I felt more and more compelled to worship God. A few times, especially during the church’s baptism services, I could feel the Holy Spirit in the sanctuary, and the wonderful feeling that it started to give me a love for God that actually made me cry a few times.
The next thing (and I am not making this up) that encouraged me to love God was a song. During August and September of 2015, I began to hear stories from several sources who believed that the end times were coming, and that the antichrist would appear sometime during the last few months of 2015 (don’t think me silly for being a little scared!) I’m not sure what exactly terrified me so much, but I think that somehow I was going through a spiritual attack. Why I didn’t talk to my parents about what I was going through, I have no idea, since I was really scared and had started to get an idea that I was not really saved, but I did not. One day during the worst part of this time, my Dad turned on a music video for a new song called More Than You Think I Am, written and sung by Danny Gokey. The song was supposed to be a song from God to us, telling us how much He loves us and how good He is to us. So I listened to the song again and again by myself, and sometime during the next week I told my parents that I wanted to be baptized again and explained how I had been struggling.
I cannot point to an exact time that I was saved last year, nor do I know if I wasn’t saved when I was five, as I had thought until last year, but I do know now that I am saved and that no matter what happens to me on this earth, when I die I will be with God.